The blame game transformed (fall detox) aka when you are the emotional vampire
When things just seem to be not going right, from practice to waking up in the morning, to food, to work, to whatever, it is easy to start blaming as a way to justify behavior. For example, it is so hard to wake up for morning practice because my boss made me work late or my alarm is dumb. Or, how about: I’m just so tired that maybe I’ll put off cleaning my living room until I have some time. As we justify our actions to make us feel a little bit better about doing them, we often feel even worse because now the reality we are living is sub-par.
I remember reading a passage in a Pema Chodron book about how we think that we would have the perfect marriage if our spouse would just do this. We would be ready to do something if only “this” would just happen. The thing is, the “if”, the condition, is just us justifying not becoming someone who we wish to be, being who we really are, or however you’d like to put it. We are never going to be “perfect”, there will always be a hill to climb, so get over it!
Of course, this is often easier said than done.
Sometimes introducing a little bit of variation in the everyday can help us wake up to this awesome moment instead of sleeping until we die (dramatic, I know).
1. EAT HEALTHIER It is simple and easy to do but it requires us to pay attention to what we are doing instead of blindly shoving food in our mouths and robotically masticating. One does need to fast. Eating whole, fresh, and local foods that one chooses and prepares for oneself can be immensely transforming. Yes, it can be hard to find the time, but aren’t we worth it? Also, trying to eat only when hungry and stopping when not is just as important as the food that we eat.
2. DRINK MORE WATER It is incredible what a difference this can make in our overall health and appearance. Room temperature water is easier on our digestive systems.
3. TAKE A SHOWER Wash one’s hair, shave, get a haircut, a wax, tweeze, clip one’s nails, and basically do whatever one can do to get oneself in tip-top well-groomed shape.
4. EXERCISE It makes us feel healthier, look healthier, it clears our minds, and is a fast-track to connecting with oneself. Exercise helps us feel stronger and more confident. A little bit can go a long way.
5. CLEAN YOUR HOUSE Take out the garbage. Clean the windows. Dust. Let’s get rid of that pile of books meaning to get rid of since April. And while we are at it,
6. CLEAN OUT AND REORGANIZE YOUR CLOSET Get a full length mirror and if possible, enlist a brutally honest friend. Try on every item of clothing that you own. Get a bag for giving away, a bag for dry cleaning, a bag for mending, and a bag for the garbage (if it can’t even be used as a rag). Be really honest with yourself. If something doesn’t fit or you aren’t really going to have it tailored tomorrow, it goes in the give away bag. It if has a hole–mending. If you never ever wear it– give away. If it needs to be dry cleaned–dry cleaning. You get the picture. With what remains, fold or hang all items neatly.
7. DEEP CLEAN Time to floss. I assume we all know how. Time to Neti. A neti pot will costs under $15. Basically, it pours water up one nostril and out the other. Great for de-congestion, dealing with colds and allergies, and really a must-have for all city dwellers. Food will taste better. The drawback: you will be able to smell those awful NY smells again…
8. CLEAN OUT YOUR EMAIL ACCOUNT/PHONE Delete or file old email. Delete people who are no longer in your life. Answer email and messages that have been lingering.
9. DO SOMETHING NICE for someone else. See if you can do 5 nice things for people in one day. It can be as simple as saying “bless you” if someone sneezes or giving up your seat on the subway.
10. SMILE I read somewhere that the act of smiling tricked our minds into thinking that we were happy and all is well. 🙂